I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
