is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
