We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
