He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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