Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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