yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
