9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You need Xanax blowdarts
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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