i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
