Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
