The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
