tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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