is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
