We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sext me about skeletons
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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