I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
