We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
