Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
