i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
