i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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