We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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