During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
