bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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