i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
