I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
