Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
