I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
