dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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