He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
