He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
