I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently you make a good broom.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
