she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
