i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
