and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize