You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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