I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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