stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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