Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
