my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
