whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
