found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
