Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
