She said her name was "party"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize