im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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