it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
