i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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