We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
