I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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