Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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