This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I sprained my soul last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
