Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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