Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
