Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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