How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize