I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
