he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
