i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
