She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
