so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
