Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
