Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
