Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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