dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
