Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
