i think my mom watched the whole time
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
