Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hate all girls vehemently.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
