We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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