I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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