I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You ruined the universe
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
