I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
