so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
