Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
